Looking at behaviors (how people act) and personalities (who people are) and how they relate, can give us insight into ourselves and others and foster more meaningful connections and effective working relationships.
Growing up in a very unstable household, I may have learned earlier than most how to bend to the personality traits of others. Where this was important for survival, I always felt disconnected and unable to navigate my own personality. A significant amount of who I was from day to day was based off the level of "survival" mode I found myself in. Later, when I struck out on my own, I often struggled with personal relationships, whether in personal or business settings.
Growing up in a very unstable household, I may have learned earlier than most how to bend to the personality traits of others. Where this was important for survival, I always felt disconnected and unable to navigate my own personality. A significant amount of who I was from day to day was based off the level of "survival" mode I found myself in. Later, when I struck out on my own, I often struggled with personal relationships, whether in personal or business settings.
My first Interpersonal Communications class was life-changing. It sounds silly, but it's the first time I was presented with the idea that relating with others takes work, and accountability. It quickly became a passion of mine and I attended that class more regularly than any other. It was easy to see how this knowledge could help me in friendships, working relationships, family gatherings, romantic partners, the list goes on. I was actually astounded that they didn't teach this stuff in High School. I already had a long mental list of the ways this knowledge could have saved me in the past.
Fast forward about 10 years and I started needing this information for my position in the military. I was put in charge of a large group of people but had absolutely no idea how to lead. Luckily, due to my mild obsession with personal relations, I knew enough to ask for help, and began hoarding books on the subject. I was soon learning about people styles, personality types, behavioral inventories etc. I took the Myers-Briggs test for a class, and reading about my "type" gave me so much insight on myself and relationships. Then a friend introduced me to Color Works, which is primarily used for parenting, but can really help anyone. Color Works breaks people down into 4 color groups, and then gives great advice on how to relate to others, as well as better understand ourselves. This is the first thing that came to mind when reading Bolton's People Styles at Work...And Beyond. They both give great explanations of traits, good and bad, of each personality type. Color Works, however, goes more into detail about the combinations of colors. Most of us show 2 colors, and the way those two colors relate helps us understand our unique nature. I feel Bolton's book pigeon holes us into our group, and it was easy for me to see ways I was different from my category. Of course, any inventory shows us our "dominant" traits, with the understanding that we have recessive traits of other types.
Another inventory I have gained a lot of value from is Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages. This begins with a quiz, and shows us how we best receive love from others. Although this is targeted towards romantic relationships, I think it is valuable for friendships too. After taking the quiz, you are ranked by how you receive love from the 5 categories: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. One of the easiest ways to see how we, or others, receive love is to focus on what is complained about most in the relationship. Again, like Bolton's, this inventory also gives ideas for how to communicate effectively with people of different types, and how to better understand each other.
I feel these types of "inventories" are paramount, not only for future careers, but for everyday relationships. I find them especially helpful as a mentor for young kids in equine therapy. As a new mentor, I still have a lot to learn and these can be tough situations. I feel by having a basic understanding of behavior and personality styles I can adjust my own approach to better relate to the kids. In the field of therapeutic recreation these tools will help as well. Overall, everyone can benefit from this information.
I feel these types of "inventories" are paramount, not only for future careers, but for everyday relationships. I find them especially helpful as a mentor for young kids in equine therapy. As a new mentor, I still have a lot to learn and these can be tough situations. I feel by having a basic understanding of behavior and personality styles I can adjust my own approach to better relate to the kids. In the field of therapeutic recreation these tools will help as well. Overall, everyone can benefit from this information.
. (2016). Parentingbycolorscom. Retrieved 20 January, 2016, from http://www.parentingbycolors.com/index.html
(2009). People Styles at WorkAnd Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better. (2nd ed.). : AMACOM .
(2015). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. (Reprint ed.). : Northfield Publishing.
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